I’m still slogging through difficult rewrites with my back to an unmet deadline (how, how, how do other writers meet deadlines when they work full-time, how??).

I had run head-on into the dragon of writer self-doubt. It had been in hiding for some time - I was in love with my current novel, I thought it kicked my last novel’s ass, my characters felt deep and fully drawn, the writing light and lyrical. Then I hit a rough patch and suddenly, the same characters that felt so real to me that we could’ve sat down and had martinis together - those same characters started to feel unrealistic, unbelievable, wooden. Their troubles suddenly went from vivid to contrived. Plot fog overtook me. I was paralyzed.

Then, like a sign straight out of a Charlton Heston movie, I got a Google alert for this:

“All I can say is ‘WOW, what a book!!!‘

When I received this book in mail, my only intention was to scan the book, read a couple of pages and then keep it aside for future reading. I mean I do have a TBR pile and I would feel kind of guilty reading this book immediately. But honestly, once I read the first couple of pages I couldn’t stop. It was just that good.”

You can read the rest of the review here at VioletCrush.

How’s that for a kick in the behind? I thanked Violet for her lovely review (Violet’s blog by the way, is a great read in its own right with a well-attended community of readers. The Internet is fabulous for this - I never realized how FEW people I know actually read novels until I started writing myself. It’s lonely being a bookworm these days, so thanks to bloggers like Swapna and Violet for creating these communities)

Then, just days after that, fan mail started trickling in. It had been a while since I’d gotten any of that, and to be honest, Fashionably Late was so long ago for me that I feel completely removed from it. Until I got a a couple of lovely, heartfelt e-mails - one from a reader for whom a trip to the Dominican Republic had changed her life. For another reader, the magic had happened in Mexico.

In “On Writing” Stephen King says that writing is telepathy. It an intimate conversation that crosses the boundaries of time and space and convention. Let’s face it, if you happened to be introduced to a woman at a lounge one Saturday night and struck up a polite conversation, you might walk away from it twenty minutes later knowing a few basic facts about her: claims administrator at a medium-sized insurance firm, just got out of a committed relationship, last vacation was to Barcelona, likes dancing, loved Slumdog Millionaire.

You wouldn’t know that that trip to Barcelona changed her entire outlook on life, that things were never quite the same afterwards, or that while she complained about how boring her job was - like everyone does - that she wonders why she feels like she’s living life in the tedium of black and white instead of in vivd color. You won’t walk away from that conversation knowing that the two of you are profoundly connected - that you share the same struggle of trying to figure out your place in the world without the benefit of a guidebook to help you out. Without novels, chances are you would have never met that woman in the first place.

That’s what’s so wonderful about novels - they might not have the answer the you’re looking for, but they do show you that we’re all in it together.

168 million in bonuses, out of US$700,000,000,000.00 of funds that are otherwise going down the black hole of mismanagement (and let’s not even talk about the billions upon billions “misplaced” in Iraq, and the billions more soon to be ”misplaced” in Afghanistan).

AIG bonuses - THIS is what has finally ignited Americans’ populist wrath! 

Those of us Commies who have been watching for 8+ years (I only cared about boys and and how many of them might be interested in kissing me during the Clinton years, so sue me) have been watching and waiting, waiting and watching for that moment we knew had to come. And now, here it is!

I have to say, it’s a little anti-climatic, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. I will not be critical of the American people’s choice of vehicle for their outrage - it’s as good as any, really. Even one dollar in bonuses for helping to bring the world economy to its knees is one dollar too many, so to the American people, I say: YAY YOU!

However, being a Commie, I worry (we tend to have a pessimistic streak, but as luck would have it, pessimists are having a moment right now). I worry, amongst other things, that maybe the forest may be lost for the trees, and a huge opportunity to rekindle interest and nurse back to life a creature facing extinction might be lost, that creature being dialogue.

Now, as evidenced by debates involving Sarah Palin, not just any dialogue will do - you have to put the word “meaningful” in front of it.

And in the tradition of mindless blogging, I will go on a seemingly unrelated tangent now: Hookers.

More specifically, Eliot Spitzer and hookers.

Even more specifically: Eliot Spitzer, hookers, Eliot’s wife Silda, and Vogue.

Blame Vogue for getting Eliot Spitzer back on my mind, or rather blame Vogue’s whitewashed, kiddie-gloved, fairy dust-sprinkled and utterly hypocritical March 2009 feature on his wife, and how Eliot’s penchant for blondes-by-the-hour nearly derailed this Southern Belle’s philanthropic campaigns (and no, we are assured, this princess ain’t a pushover. And she has a weakness for Petit Bateau tees and chocolate cupcakes. No, she doesn’t. I made that up, but only because I don’t have the actual article before my eyes at this very moment so I can transcribe the nauseating drivel verbatim, but hopefully you get the picture)

I read this article, and I worry. Then I read a piece like this by Mr. Spitzer, about how AIG’s bonus payouts are just the tip of the iceberg, and how instead of focusing on symbolic gestures (in this case, ”clawing back” the ill-gotten spoils from the recipients, which has effectively happened already), that perhaps we should realize that this bonus thing is a distraction from the real crimes that festered in the absence of regulations and created this environment in the first place. Doing that will surely be more complicated, not quite so black-and-white, and, more importantly, require us to think. A lot.

The article sure made me think - about Eliot Spitzer, Silda (yes, they are still married), Vogue, and hookers.

I wondered what kind of warped world would be so hypocritical so as to force a competent, vocal, thinking (at least this is the impression I got from reading this article) dude to resign due to something completely unrelated to his ability to carry out his duties as governor of the state of New York.

You might argue that by employing prostitutes, he was breaking the law. But when even the “good” guys are breaking the law, maybe it’s time we rethink the law. And while we’re at it, score politicians on how well they protect us from companies like AIG, and not on where they prefer to put their dicks.

While we’re on the subject of laws, there ought to be one against using a scandal-celebrity to sell your magazine, and then not having the balls to ask her tough questions on why she doesn’t seem too bothered by her husband’s preference for ladies of the night. After all, if the man’s wife doesn’t mind, why should we?

A very interesting article in today’s NY Times exposes how kids are currently being taught only the nuts and bolts or reading, as opposed to reading as a means to make sense of the world. The article hit home for many reasons - I recently touched base with a old high school friend I hadn’t seen in years and she’d since become a French teacher. We reminisced over cappuccinos and croissants about the horribleness of some of the books we were made to read in junior high and how we grew up to love language in spite of our curriculum, not because of it. (I still have nightmares about Le Lion, a book I still wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, even as an adult)

The article cites the example of giving school kids a piece about “hiking in the Appalachians” and asking them to find the central idea. It then goes on to explain that if the kids don’t give a hoot about the Appalachians, don’t know much about hiking in that area, and moreover, are extremely unlikely to ever experience that activity, then they will naturally be less likely to be able to find the central idea, or answer any other questions about the piece.

The article inadvertently makes a commentary about how we expect kids to think (which is to say we don’t expect them to). Asking you to comment on something you have no prior knowledge of will not stretch your critical thinking muscles. It will not build “connectors” in your brain, or teach you to make associations and connect the dots between seemingly disparate subjects. If you studied WWII in history class and a blurb about WWII came up in English class and you were asked to process the information from a different angle, it would “stick” more, and you’ll be more likely to see how it fits into the big picture.

And isn’t that really the root of so many of our problems these days?… So many of us finding it so hard to see the big picture - connecting the dots between our declining health, our lifestyles, an economy gone berserk, the health of the planet, vested interests, the role of religion and politics in maintaining the status quo, etc, etc….?

I still don’t see the ”big picture” of Le Lion, though. Damn you, Le Lion!!! (shaking fist, angrily)

It’s not entirely clear from this article why “they” (I no longer have any idea who “they” are. The medical establishment? The government? Some guy tapping away at a keyboard in his parents’ basement?) are so pissed off we actually listened when “they” told us to eat more fish. Is it because in consuming more of Flipper’s nautical compatriots we are at risk of depleting the oceans’ resources at a much faster rate than we would’ve without promises of thicker, more lustrous hair and a healthier heart, or, because said promises are actually bullshit.

…And I thought I was doing the Earth good this weekend down at the beach…

(Caymanian fisherman down by the Georgetown dock. They de-scale, gut, and fillet the 2 lb. snapper before your eyes in under a minute)

I totally missed the boat on Oscar 2009 fashion commentary and this despite the Lebanese coming out with a very solid showing this year - really great for such a teeny tiny little country in a pocket of the planet not exactly renowned for its aesthetic sensibilities (not in this particular century, anyway). 

I might have forgone commentary entirely this year had it not been for my mother (hi, mom!). Unrelenting in her efforts to broker a peace agreement between me and the Arabic-language-only satellite broadcasting television set in the kitchen, together we watched a lot of SCOOP! (Arabic version of ET, Access Hollywood, etc…) over my recent trip home, and I saw too much to let it go unacknowledged.

Disclaimer: I did poke a bit of innocent fun at the Lebanese tendency to go overboard on paillettes, gold lamé, and glitter makeup in my first novel, Fashionably Late, but you’ve got to admit - it makes for good showmanship. These stars agree - here’s a sampling of gowns designed by Lebanese at the Academy Awards:

Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad

Viola Davis (gold) in Reem Acra

Queen Latifah in Georges ChakraAnd Ms. Jolie in ( heavily altered) Elie Saab

(Hmm.. might Angie have gotten better reviews had she not taken an hatchet to Mr. Saab’s original design?…)

The Money Shot - what I would wear, should I one day be up there for Best Adapted Screenplay for Fashionably Late:

Elie Saab - Summer 2009

And kudos to a fantabulous blog I unearthed in my search for Lebanese fashion online - Baba Gannouj and La Zaytouni, a male/female duo of hip, hilarious, and seriously opinionated Lebanese bloggers. For more Lebanese fashion (and political commentary, if you are so inclined), check out La Zaytouni’s posts. 

A sampling of the headlines that greeted me upon my return from the frosty North:

…Lovebirds Bristol Palin and Levi Johston split - MONTHS ago - who the hell could’ve seen that one coming??!..

…Micheal Wunderkid Phelps is just like your average twenty-something, college-going, partying dude…

…A-Rod admits to being on the ‘roids, his defense: “but all my friends are doing it!”…

… “Comedy Central’s Democratic Senator” Jon Stewart and “Mad Money” Cramer’s unfunny showdown…

…Bernie Madoff pleads GUILTY to fleecing the uber-wealthy, how DARE he??!! Doesn’t he know you’re only allowed to fleece the poor???!!…

…NYT’s David Brooks: Latest threat to the nation: Michelle Obama’s biceps, AKA, “Lightning” and “Thunder”….

…Jason the sweetheart single dad Bachelor turns out to be major prick, superficial, had nothing to say to Molly (or was it Melissa?) when cameras stopped rolling - I’m flabbergasted….

And the biggest shocker of all -

… Jennifer Aniston and John Meyer KAPUT mere days after the Oscars!! OH MY LORD!

Wow.

You disconnect from the internet for two weeks to enjoy being with your family and the world as we know it comes to an end.

I will say this about stepping back though - once you stop ingesting news as a series of disconnected tweets in a twittering cacaphony of information and ingest them all at once, they actually come together like a cohesive orchestra. I could have ranted about every one of those headlines (and frankly, I’m feeling a robbed that I didn’t get the chance to), but really, wll the above can be summed up in one simple, time-tested concept.

Hypocrisy. Duplicity. Being a two-faced, two-timing, disingenious, deceptive, lying, pants-on-fire liar.

And the lying involves only one party. It’ s us, lying to ourselves.

Did we REALLY think Bristol’s mom’s political plans had nothing to do with her daughter’s marriage plans? Is it REALLY shocking that abstinence-only education produced baby Trig, and, well, probably Bristol herself???

Why is Michael Phelps being suspended from doing his thing while A-Rod is still out there making gazillions with nary a care in the world?

Who died and made David Asshole Brooks Michelle Obama’s stylist? (David - name one popular fashion trend from the past 20 years - ONE, and no, the comb-over doesn’t count) and why is he fashion taking cues from the Taliban?

And why is Jon Stewart the only television personality exposing other television personalities who aided an abetted the extremely wealthy in their efforts to suck more money out of people in that massive money-vaporizing scam otherwise known as the stock market?

I currentlywork in finance, and I have been working in finance for the past 10 years. I was studying finance right at the time when we started equating the stock market with God and and the guy who mowed your lawn was suddenly giving you stock tips he got from watching assholes on CSNBC.

At school they teach you the theory of finance and markets. They teach you how the markets work with complicated equations the average person doesn’t have the time or inclination to understand. That’s why we hire “financial experts” to tell us what to do, but we forget that these “financial experts” are really salespeople.

Do you know that the guys working the trading floor and those at the other end of the line at a brokerage are just as likely to have studied MARKETING (i.e. Sales) as finance???

My sister is taking a finance course right now, and just looking at the textbook makes my blood pressure rise.

The stock market was sold to “regular” people (read: non-millionaires) about 15 years ago, right about the time companies decided they didn’t want to pay pensions anymore. They lobbied governments to create things like 401ks (in the US) and RRSPs (Canada) to shift the burden of responsibility from companies and governments to regular people.

That regular people lost everything and are now reduced to the status of twelve-century indentured slaves is a nice bonus. We are now the human equivalent of third world countries - unless we collectively decide to default on our debt, we will only get out of them by dying. Sorry, baby boomers.

Think about that as you pick up a $4.99 issue of Real Simple that declares food stamps are the new chic.

And think about why we enjoy lying to ourselves so much - whether it’s about abstinance, or marijuana use, or stupid contrived reality TV - and in doing so, make it so much easier for others to con us.